When Leadership Hurts: Navigating Disagreement in a Community That Feels Like Family

In the security world—and especially in volunteer-driven communities—relationships often run deeper than job titles. We work side by side, share meals, support each other through life’s challenges. Over time, colleagues become friends, and friends become like family.

But what happens when someone in that “family”—especially someone in a leadership role—starts setting poor examples?

It’s one of the hardest things I’ve faced professionally. Not because I don’t know how to handle conflict, but because the emotional weight of disappointment hits differently when it’s someone you respect, someone you’ve trusted, someone who’s part of the same mission to serve and protect.

In volunteer communities, leadership isn’t just about authority—it’s about influence. People look up to leaders not because they have to, but because they choose to. When that trust is broken, the ripple effects are felt everywhere. Morale dips. Communication suffers. And those who are trying to do the right thing often feel caught between loyalty and integrity.

Maintaining professionalism in these moments is tough. It requires restraint, clarity, and a deep commitment to the values that brought you to the work in the first place. For me, that includes accountability, respect, and the Jewish value of Tikkun Olam—repairing the world, even when it’s uncomfortable.

I’ve learned that disagreement doesn’t have to mean division. But it does require courage. Courage to speak up respectfully. Courage to hold others accountable. And courage to keep showing up, even when it would be easier to walk away.

If you’re navigating a similar situation, know this: you’re not alone. These moments test us, but they also shape us. And if we stay grounded in our principles, we can help steer our communities back toward the values that matter most.